Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
