Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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