I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize