I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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