so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize