bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
