he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
