Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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