so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
