if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I forgot how hot balto sounded
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
