You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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