Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
