isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
