he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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