this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize