ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Randomize
