My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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