Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
