So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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