The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
