you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
