After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
