No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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