Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Randomize
