I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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