so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize