You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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