yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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