I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
