I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
