Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize