i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
