is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
