people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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