Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
