Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know her cup size but not her name....
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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