Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
