Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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