between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
