when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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