We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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