how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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