Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
