one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
