when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
