thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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