I want to have your abortion
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
