My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
