You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
