i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
