life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
