maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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