The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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