I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
