My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
