A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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