At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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