Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
