my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
