peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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