I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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