Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
