I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
