you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
