You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
