So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
