dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
