plz talk dirty to me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
false alarm. still invincible.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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