Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize