dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
