all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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