At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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