I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
