Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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