Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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