I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sext me about skeletons
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
