Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
