i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
