but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
